What I have learned through recovery, that has only recently impacted me, is that where there is life, there is love and connection.
With love and connection, there is no room for abuse, disconnection, or disordered behavior.
I have noticed patterns in my own life where I feel the urge to engage in any disordered behavior stems out of loneliness and isolation. When I feel rejected, hurt, abandoned, or alone, my mind wants to fill that space with a distraction that has historically taken form as a behavior.
Where there is room for life
I describe situations filled with life as “lifey.” These experiences range from group gatherings, parties, movie nights, or art sessions - the definition doesn’t describe a homogenous group of situations. When I’m doing something “lifey,” acting disordered simply doesn’t make sense.
If you’re truly connecting with someone through an experience, where is there room for self abuse or torture? Being in those thoughts requires disconnection. Engaging in life requires connection.
Recognizing how this discrepancy may arise has allowed me to be more critical of the people I surround myself with, and the activities I engage in. I want to surround myself with people who bring me up, who support me through all my struggles, and reaffirm me that my worth isn't related to my appearance. I want to engage in activities that fuel my body, that bring me joy, and fill me with happiness.
I want life.