Welcoming in the Uncertainty of 2019
This time of year always calls for reflection. For me, I’m reminded of all that’s happened in this past year, both good and bad. This time last year I was admitted into residential treatment for my eating disorder. If you were to tell me this time last year that I would be sitting where I am today, feeling how I feel now, I would tell you you're crazy.
In hating and abusing my body in the hopes of gaining a sense of worthiness, I fell victim to the cultural fixation on female thinness. My self confidence completely shattered, and I lost sight of what value I wanted to bring to my relationships and life.
It turns out that unlearning shame and guilt is a long and complicated process, but in my recovery, I’ve found that the more I see my body as an ally - my guiding tool, a source of pleasure and connection - the more I am willing to honor my body and respect it.
I have so much more healing and learning ahead, but for the first time in my life, I feel a sense of peace with where I am and who I am. I feel a sense of trust that my body knows whats best for it, and I feel a sense of warmth stemming from my ever-growing self love. I am excited to embrace the uncertainty of what the new year will bring and continue the process of unlearning and letting go. More than ever, I am so thankful for my endless support system who have kept me afloat. I seriously wouldn’t be where I am today without you all xoxo *mic drop*