This time of year always calls for reflection. For me, I’m reminded of all that’s happened in this past year, both good and bad. This time last year I was admitted into residential treatment for my eating disorder. If you were to tell me this time last year that I would be sitting where I am today, feeling how I feel now, I would tell you you're crazy.
In hating and abusing my body in the hopes of gaining a sense of worthiness, I fell victim to the cultural fixation on female thinness. My self confidence completely shattered, and I lost sight of what value I wanted to bring to my relationships and life.
It turns out that unlearning shame and guilt is a long and complicated process, but in my recovery, I’ve found that the more I see my body as an ally - my guiding tool, a source of pleasure and connection - the more I am willing to honor my body and respect it.
I have so much more healing and learning ahead, but for the first time in my life, I feel a sense of peace with where I am and who I am. I feel a sense of trust that my body knows whats best for it, and I feel a sense of warmth stemming from my ever-growing self love. I am excited to embrace the uncertainty of what the new year will bring and continue the process of unlearning and letting go. More than ever, I am so thankful for my endless support system who have kept me afloat. I seriously wouldn’t be where I am today without you all xoxo *mic drop*
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