• elenaa

Fighting Through Bad Body Image

Updated: May 13, 2020

Whenever I look at my body, I cringe in disgust. I hate what I see. I hate how my skin folds and hangs. I hate how my stomach bulges over my shorts, or how my shirts wrap tightly around my arms. I hate how my legs are squeezed inside pants, and how my hair is constantly frizzy and untamed.

I often catch myself dwelling on negative body image thoughts. I ruminate on what I hate most about myself, and my way out of the overwhelming hopelessness that I am study in this body forever is with the hope that a new diet or exercise plan brings. In my mind, as long as I stick to my plan, not only am I worthy of love and connection, but I will be enough for myself.

My shyness stems from my inferiority complex and self-loathing. I don't feel worthy of the attention others give me, nor do I feel like anyone will listen to me if I still look the way that I do. In my mind, if I look differently, I will then be worthy to have a voice and an opinion. Only then, will I be enough to inspire hope and power in those around me.

But not yet. Only after I endure grueling years of self abuse and torture, drowned by the depreciating voices in my mind telling me I'm not enough.

How can I be a martyr for change and strength when I am drowning in my own self-loathing? How can I inspire people to challenge their automatic appraisals when I am controlled by mine? It all seems so hypocritical and I feel stuck.

But, does it really matter if in this moment I have a 6-pack? Or toned, lean arms? Or flawless skin that is beautifully bronzed? I don't want my goal in life to be a figure of beauty that is consumed by others. What about my substance, what about all the parts of me that are so much deeper than just my outer shell.

As I learn to see the beauty in my authentic self, I am learning to challenge these thoughts and actions. I am learning to embrace the me I was always meant to be.


Disclaimer: This blog provides general information and discussions about health and related subjects. The information and other content provided in this blog, or in any linked materials, are not intended and should not be construed as medical advice, nor is the information a substitute for professional medical expertise or treatment. If you or any other person has a medical concern, you should consult with your health care provider or seek other professional medical treatment. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services immediately.


The opinions and views expressed on this blog and website have no relation to those of any academic, hospital, health practice or other institution.