Updated: May 13, 2020
I grew up believing that IF I looked a certain way, had lots of friends, ate certain foods, and acted a certain way THEN I would be happy and/or confident.
I believed that as long as I was on a certain life path, devoted all my time and energy to certain things, or did everything I could to hide my insecurities, THEN I would be enough and/or worthy.
The thing about “if’s” is that they are conditional. I grew up placing my sense of self worth, beliefs about worthiness, and my happiness on something conditional. Living that way feels like a constant rat race, rushing to feel enough, feeling temporary relief, then acting out of a place of fear again. The thing about confidence is that is that it is cultivated from the inside out. It is not conditional, not based on what other people say or do, nor can anyone or anything take it away from you. So as I continue fighting to relearn who I am and how I want to live my life, I'm going to continue looking inward and just.... Do me, you know?